Using your head when opening jars of Peanut Butter

Some of your may be in committed relationships where you may not have to work hard to impress your mate anymore. In my case, I am still looking for ways to woo and impress the lady in my life. And with a track record like this, I think I'll probably be continually looking for ways to impress her.

That being said, I can confirm that opening a new plastic jar of peanut butter with your head is yet to be a proven route to success. This technique has failed me in the past, but a recent opportunity gave me another chance and I thought it may be worth another shot.

For the unenlightened, opening a jar of peanut butter with your head requires the following:

1. an unopened jar of peanut butter (preferably plastic).

2. a hard skull.

3. gumption.

4. enough strength in your arm to smash the jar into your hard skull and break the safety seal, thusly opening the peanut butter.

In this instance, after an initial strike to the head with less than adequate force, the second bash to the head resulted in a spectacular opening.

In my excitement, I failed to inspect this jar thoroughly which would have clued me in that this was natural peanut butter. (At least I did confirm that the jar was plastic and not glass). This natural type of peanut butter is not mixed and typically contains a significant layer of oil which accumulates near the top of the jar.

I have now discovered that spectacular openings of non-mixed natural peanut butter will get oil on the wall, the counter, the floor, the stove, the dining room, the carpet, the dining room table, the cupboard, the chairs, the jackets on the chairs at the table, the ceiling, and in your hair.

Your lady friend will not believe you when you try to convince her that you were just trying to put "product" in your hair.

Now, a positive side effect is you will smell like peanut butter for the rest of the day.

Oh, and the whole mess afterwards is also a less than desirable side effect.

On the plus side of this learning experience, when the girl is awesome like this one, she sees the humor in the situation and doesn't threaten your life for messing up her apartment.